Listening to: Anime Theme Tunes
Reading: Wolf Children Manga
Watching: K-ON Season 2
When I gained consciousness again, it was already noon. The sun was high in the sky and the wind had calmed down. I wasn’t in the field either. I was home. The window was open, letting a light breeze through as I sat up in my bed, crawling over to the window to stare out into the horizon, searching for any sign of him, a trace of a figure, a sense of a presence watching me.
Forcing another set of tears away, I wiped the dried tears off my face, knowing that it was just another nightmare.
Another dream in which another part of me had died.
I’ve had these nightmares from a young age. But this one was different. He had never before shown me his face, he was always masked. I had never actually known for certain I was dreaming of him but I’ve always imagined it was him.
He had never talked before either. Never. And he had never before mentioned the sunrise, though he would always stand opposite me as the sun rose every morning. And when the sun reached the top of the light blue sky, he would walk away.
He never touched me before. He never looked directly at me. He never spoke.
So why now?
It felt so real.
But it wasn’t real.
I want to see him again.
But I know I won’t see him ever again in person.
I’ll only be able to see him…in these nightmares…
A soft sob escaped my sealed lips.
I don’t want to be caught up in a dream, talking to someone who isn’t real, someone who’s left me a long time ago. I don’t want to hurt every time I wake up, I don’t want to deal with this by myself. But I can’t trust anyone with these secrets, I’ve come so far to acquire a reputation and I can’t ruin it in one split second in which I show Fairy Tail who I really am.
I can’t show them…
I can’t tell them…
But for how long can I keep this burrowed away, deep in the dark corners of my heart?
Not for long, that’s for sure.
How long has it been since I’ve used Arisa?
How long have I suffered?
How long will I have to suffer?
I stood up, a determined look on my face. I took a pen and a piece of paper, writing down a note and leaving it on the fridge for Milky Way. I then got dressed into my normal attire and left the house in a neat state, walking quickly through Magnolia towards the station. Making sure no one saw me, I sneaked behind the station swiftly to gaze at the view in front of me.
The empty space.
The chance to be myself for once in a long time.
I felt my magic cursing through me but I stirred the other magic within me, the black flames that were hidden from view, deep down where all my nightmares lay. As soon as it stirred, I felt the rush of the familiar warmth around my body and watched as my skin turned a paler white, my fingernails growing into long claws and my fangs lengthening as well. Stopping the process for a moment, I reached a hand up and felt two cat ears on the top of my head, my human ears gone. A smile set itself on my lips as I let the wind ruffle through my short dress.
Taking a deep breath, I concealed my neko form once again and stared out to the horizon.
Maybe it was just my imagination but for a moment, I thought I saw a figure, watching me. The next second, they were gone.
Disappointed and distressed again, I turned back away and walked to Magnolia, walking back to my house and binning the letter I wrote, locking my doors and windows, shutting all the curtains and closing the blinds before crumpling down onto my bed and closing my eyes, instantly beginning to fade into another restless dream.